Trusting The Cheater

via email

Hi Porsha. I have a problem my gf cheated on me about six months ago and did not even tell me I found out on my own and she was really sorry and we decided to make things work between us as we been together for going on three years. I love her more than anything but I have a feeling she may cheat again or she is already doing it because the same actions that she was doing before she is doing them again. I want to get to the bottom of it before I ask her to marry me but I do not want to ask her and make her feel like I do not trust her or love her. Please how do I ask her or find out the truth”

Hey there,
thanks for the email..for starters you seem like a nice guy and I mean everything Im about to say in the nicest way possible- to begin with why did it take you finding out on your own for her to confess if she was genuinely sorry; do you even know if it was more than once with more than one person, do you even care? Why have you decided to continue this relationship you say that you love her more than anything and if that is the case you deserve to know the truth about where you stand in this relationship. Do not make the time you’ve been together stop you from accepting the facts and moving on..its easier said than done but time heals all wounds. You have to sit down with your lady and let her know how you feel- be honest let her know that her past actions have left you feeling insecure & unsure of your future together. The simple fact that you say she is now acting suspicious can mean she is up to her no good ways or that you are unable to forgive her, either way you have to look within yourself to figure out what you want to do from here. If you suspect she is cheating on you, don’t beat around the bush when she probably has someone stroking hers…find out the truth! You also mention that you are considering marriage -____- don’t even think about it until you come to the honest truth about you’re relationship and you are able to let go of the resentment and you will then be able to plant the seeds of trust and watch it bloom. Rushing into a marriage won’t solve the infidelity issues it will make it worse in the long run as marriage will amplify the feelings of betrayal and insecurity you now have.
Heres the main problem with cheating and continuing a relationship here after – the person who is cheated on becomes the victim by force being cheated on makes you feel small and helpless as you were not in a position to prevent this hurt because you didn’t even know it was happening what you must to in order to move on is to refuse to be a victim of your partners actions. Make her own up to her actions and let her know how she has now made you feel and your worries in the relationship and you can work from there.
Good Luck!!

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